P.A.L.S. (Post-Apocalypse Loyalty Simulator) is a simulation designed to prepare vault-dwellers for the horrifying prospect of Wasteland living by matching them with the faction most suited to their personality. The quiz is available as part of Bethesda's Fallout 25th Anniversary event.
Questions[]
Unlike the GOAT, P.A.L.S. is a non-sequential "choose your own adventure" questionnaire, where the end may come sooner for some than others.
Question 1[]
You can take it no longer. You’ve always been the inquisitive sort, and now the Wasteland beckons louder than ever. Glancing down, you see a control panel. What do you do?
- A: You know a foolhardy decision when you see one. Return to the comfort of your vault.
- B: [Strength] Press the biggest button really, really hard.
- C: Begin pulling levers indiscriminately until something happens.
- D: [Intelligence] Use your invaluable Vault-Tec education to decipher the writing near the levers.
Question 2[]
Discombobulated from the blazing sun and boundless expanse of opportunity, you pause to gather yourself. As your vision steadies, you see four locations on the horizon. Where to?
- Quarry
- Settlement
- Condemned Vault
- Irradiated Ruins
Quarry[]
Your journey is only just underway but your stomach growls with increasing vigor. You stumble upon the remains of a radscorpion—a little radiation never hurt, right?
- A: Radiation poisoning is transitory. Hunger is forever. Eat the meat.
- B: Leave that petri dish of an arachnid be.
- C: Vomit several times in quick succession and keep walking.
Settlement[]
Stretching your getaway sticks and taking in that fresh irradiated air, you happen upon a disused Chryslus Highwayman gathering ash. What do you do?
- A: What is this heresy?! You can only trust what is firm and underfoot-keep walking.
- B: Paint it red. Cover it in flames.
- C: If only you had paid attention in driver's ed. Leave it buried.
- D: You have burning love for twisted steel. Throw dice on the mirror because you're never looking back.
Results[]
Atom Cats
"Only someone as smooth as pomade and slick as grease could get outta dodge with a shiny new fusion core. A paper shaker like you will fit right in with the Atom Cats, baby."
Brotherhood of Steel
"Eliminating the Enclave in exchange for their tech—that takes someone who understands that knowledge is power but poison is, too. The Brotherhood of Steel is befitting of a mind as brilliant as yours."
Caesar's Legion
"You knew the FEV’s true potential and you wasted no time liberating the scientist’s from their pesky heartbeats to get it. The ranks of Caesar’s Legion are built for a grunt with your knack for total annihilation."
Commonwealth Minutemen
"The Quarry was a fine canvas for your temper, but your temperance saved you from going intercontinentally ballistic. The Commonwealth Minutemen are the ideal partner for your fighter’s spirit and monk’s trigger finger."
Cult of the Mothman
"An everlasting and divine light bathes you in its red glow. Wait, that’s the Red Rocket sign. Nevertheless, your journey has exposed you to the whispers of the Wood, and now you can’t resist—you’re drawn to the Cult of the Mothman like a moth to a...cult."
GARY
"Gary Gary Gary, Gary Gary. Gary? Gary Gary Gary! Gary Gary Gary—Gary Gary...Gary."
Gunners
"Miners. Ghouls. Ghouls that occasionally mine. When it comes to who you’ll kill, maim, or horribly disfigure you don’t discriminate. The Gunners just found one new dismembering member for their ranks."
New California Republic
"Even in an irradiated ruin you apply the rule of law with the steady hand of democracy. The New California Republic is unquestionably suited to to extending your lifespan."
Responders
"Dealing with excessive trauma is a walk in the park, quarry, or irradiated farm for you. Sure, at times you put the “intense” in “intensive care,” but that’s why The Responders are just the ICU for you."
The Enclave
"You’re no totalitarian, you simply believe that anyone outside of your contingent should be immediately relieved of their earthly duties. It’s why you unleashed the FEV, and why the Enclave fits you like a viscera-covered glove."
The Enlightened
"Wise enough to see currency for what it is and the lighthouse for all it could be, it's clear you are a pupa on the path to true awakening—and through The Enlightened you shall hatch."
The Family
"You might dabble in some light cannibalism, but you fed on the Garys’ blood for nourishment, not pleasure. That is your dignity, and The Family is your fate."
The Institute
"Some petty thievery of persons and their property is a light price to pay to further advance the scientific progress of all mankind. Fight it if you must, young researcher, but The Institute is already one with you."
The Railroad
"In a vault replete with suspicion, treachery, and giant Garys, your stealth skills were a synth's only friend. Freedom and radioactive soot adorn your moral compass, and it’s pointing you right in the direction of The Railroad.
Vault-Tec[]
"The world outside the vault is lousy with hallucinogenic drugs, limb-starved mutants and life-shortening raiders. You keenly surmised the best way to prepare to enter it is to never enter it at all. Well done, conscientious vault dweller!"
This result can be achieved by selecting option A on the first test.