| #
|
Dialog Topic
|
Form ID
|
Response Text
|
Script Notes
|
| 1
|
006A5975
|
006A5987
|
Just a down-on-his-luck entertainer looking for a couch to crash on.
|
|
| 2
|
006A5976
|
006A5985
|
Appalachia, yah! Pleasure to be here. One of my favorite... States? Counties. What is this place? Ah, forget it. How you doing? You look great.
|
Stage performance energy. Isn't sure what "Appalachia" is but doesn't let it throw off his groove
|
| 3
|
006A5977
|
006A5986
|
Real nice C.A.M.P. you got here. Real classy. Just missing one little thing... Live Entertainment!
|
Sales pitch. He's the "live entertainment"
|
| 4
|
But you are in luck, my friend! I'm here to spark a little life. A little laughter. Maybe even a little love, huh? Hahaha, ah forget about it.
|
Tongue in cheek nod to "Live, laugh, love" with "love" being a little flirty before he laughs it all off as a joke.
|
| 5
|
006A5979
|
006A5988
|
Stranger? Woah, I barely knew 'er! Boom! Ah ha ha!
|
He knows it's a groaner but he's committed.
|
| 6
|
I kid, I kid, I kid! I'm harmless. No need for guns. I'm not packing.
|
Said in good humor, but just in case the player is wanting to hurt him now after the previous bad joke
|
| 7
|
006A597B
|
006A5984
|
The name's Joey. Joey Bello! Ya know, like a roar of laughter, only spelt different.
|
|
| 8
|
I saw the stage and thought you might have an opening?
|
|
| 9
|
006A597D
|
006A5980
|
What I wouldn't give for a tato pie.
|
|
| 10
|
006AA60B
|
No matter what happens, the show must go on.
|
Self pep-talk
|
| 11
|
006AA60C
|
Nah, no way Teddy's still following me.
|
Quietly, to self.
|
| 12
|
006AA60D
|
What do you think, Joey? Time for a little day trip?
|
Said to self. Special emphasis on "day trip". Insinuating he's going to go take some Daytripper drugs.
|
| 13
|
006AA60E
|
I don't mind when they throw tatos. It's the grenades I worry about.
|
|
| 14
|
006AA60F
|
"Go to Appalachia" they said. "You'll have a blast" they said. Didn't realize they were literally still dropping nukes on themselves.
|
To self.
|
| 15
|
006AA610
|
What do stylish kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits. Ha... What the hell is a kangaroo?
|
Trying out a new joke he's read but doesn't know what a kangaroo is so doesn't get the joke
|
| 16
|
006AA64A
|
There once was a man from Nantucket, he... no wait how'd it go again? Nah, fuck it.
|
Trying to remember the limerick. Coincidentally ends up rhyming.
|
| 17
|
006AA96B
|
Damn, I could really use another hit from that pipe. If I could just remember where it was...
|
|
| 18
|
006AA96C
|
(Sigh) Mondays. Is it Monday? Feels like a Monday.
|
|
| 19
|
006A597E
|
006A5981
|
Hello, sunshine.
|
|
| 20
|
006AA600
|
You here for the show? Well then make like a branch and stick around.
|
|
| 21
|
006AA601
|
Break a leg out there. Just not mine!
|
|
| 22
|
006AA602
|
Oh, I'm walkin' here!
|
The classic NYC line
|
| 23
|
006AA603
|
If danger calls tell 'em I'm on the can.
|
|
| 24
|
006AA604
|
Lookin' good!
|
|
| 25
|
006AA606
|
Ring-a-ding-ding!
|
Frank Sinatra shout-out. A line Joey picked up from lounge singers in Atlantic City
|
| 26
|
006AA607
|
Ouch! Who gave you the shiner?
|
|
| 27
|
006AA608
|
Geez! Hope you left the other guy lookin' worse.
|
|
| 28
|
006AA609
|
Woo! Look at the pipes on you. Been working out?
|
|
| 29
|
006AA60A
|
What's up dum-dum?
|
|
| 30
|
006AA611
|
Wow, somebody had a good time huh? A little hair of the dog will fix that right up.
|
|
| 31
|
006AA646
|
Those tatos you got there? You better not be planning to chuck those at me later.
|
Mock suspicion - it's a joke
|
| 32
|
006AA647
|
Geez, I heard you was bright but didn't realize they meant radioactive.
|
|
| 33
|
006AA970
|
That a pipe gun in your pocket or you just happy to see me? Hey-oh!
|
|
| 34
|
006AA971
|
We havin' fun yet?
|
|
| 35
|
006AA972
|
Thinkin' hard, or hardly thinking?
|
|
| 36
|
006AFD0C
|
I heard there's some kind of dance party over at Point Pleasant. Might pop some Day Tripper, check it out later. I just hope it doesn't get weird.
|
|
| 37
|
By the way, how many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I don't know how they get 'em inside there. Haha!
|
|
| 38
|
006AFD0D
|
I hear Grahm's hosting another cook-out. Meat for weeks. Make sure you don't skip it 'cause that would be a missed steak. I mean, come on!
|
emphasis on "missed steak" (mistake)
|
| 39
|
006AFD0E
|
Did I take too many chems again or have you noticed a lot of, well...aliens lately? Wonder why they're invading Earth. Maybe the moon was full! HA!
|
|
| 40
|
Anyway, I hope the aliens aren't planning to blow up the Earth. 'Cause they're WAY too late!
|
|
| 41
|
006AFD13
|
Nice costume! Where's the party?
|
|
| 42
|
006AFD14
|
Got the party started without me, huh? Don't worry. I'll catch up.
|
|
| 43
|
006AFD15
|
Your mother know you're out dressed like that?
|
|
| 44
|
006AFD16
|
You look like you could eat a fat sandwich. You find one you let me know!
|
|
| 45
|
006AFD17
|
Damn. Eat something already. You're making me hungry!
|
Emphasis on "me"
|
| 46
|
006AFD18
|
Good God! You okay? When they say break a leg they don't mean that literally you know?
|
|
| 47
|
006A597F
|
006A5989
|
Hey hey!
|
As if starting a stage performance
|
| 48
|
006A598A
|
How you doin'?
|
the classic NJ line
|
| 49
|
006AA612
|
You lookin' for a put-down or a pick-me-up? Oh!
|
|
| 50
|
006AA613
|
What's cookin', good-lookin'?
|
|
| 51
|
006AA614
|
What's shakin', bacon?
|
|
| 52
|
006AA615
|
Hey chief!
|
|
| 53
|
006AA616
|
Yeah, whatya want?
|
|
| 54
|
006AA617
|
Heya boss!
|
|
| 55
|
006AA618
|
What's the scuttlebutt?
|
|
| 56
|
006AA619
|
What's good?
|
|
| 57
|
006AA64C
|
There's my favorite Appalachian!
|
|
| 58
|
006AA93F
|
Who loves ya, baby?
|
|
| 59
|
006AA96F
|
How you doing?
|
Not like Joey from Friends.
|
| 60
|
006A5991
|
006A599D
|
Joey Bello Live! And I aim to keep it that way!
|
Aims to stay alive (people who want him dead are after him)
|
| 61
|
006A5992
|
006A599A
|
Yeah, jokes! You know... Knock-knock. Why did the chicken cross the road? Youse got jokes here in Appalachia, right?
|
Amused/joking around but he's new here and isn't sure what the "comedy scene" is like in Appalachia
|
| 62
|
People pay caps to hear me crack wise and I help 'em forget about their miserable lives for a few minutes. Not rocket surgery, but it's a livin'!
|
|
| 63
|
006A5993
|
006A599E
|
Eyyy, look at you, huh? Guess I'm not the only comedian in this C.A.M.P.!
|
Amused at the player's "no funny business" comment when his whole thing is being a comedian
|
| 64
|
006A5994
|
006A599B
|
You got it boss! Let me stash my stuff and I'll get right to work.
|
|
| 65
|
006A5995
|
006A5998
|
I tell jokes. I'm a traveling funny-man here all the way from exotic New Jersey. At your service.
|
Says "Jersey" with a faux accent ("Joisey"). This and the next few lines are all part of a sales pitch to convince the player to let him stay
|
| 66
|
Let me stick around and I'll lighten the mood. Maybe show you a few tricks of the trade. Thicken your skin. Teach you some "Comedian Resilience".
|
|
| 67
|
Yeah, who knows? Anything's possible with Joey Bello in your corner!
|
|
| 68
|
006A5996
|
006A599C
|
What can't I do? That's what you should be asking. But you want to know what I do do? You are filthy. I love it!
|
"What I do do" is said like "doo-doo" and he's jokingly implying the player is asking about poop
|
| 69
|
006A5997
|
006A5999
|
What, like a clown? You think I'm here to make you laugh?
|
Pretending to be offended
|
| 70
|
Well honk my nose and slip me into some oversized shoes cause you nailed it, buddy!
|
Happy performance mode
|
| 71
|
006A9407
|
006A9421
|
Say "hi" to my supply.
|
|
| 72
|
006A9423
|
Sure thing, boss.
|
|
| 73
|
006A96F0
|
Anything else?
|
|
| 74
|
006A9717
|
Sticks and stones, my friend. Sticks and stones.
|
|
| 75
|
006A9718
|
Oh! Forget about it!
|
|
| 76
|
006A9719
|
Go get 'em Tiger!
|
|
| 77
|
006A971A
|
C'mon, I'm just breakin' your balls.
|
"I'm just joking around"
|
| 78
|
006A995B
|
You got it!
|
|
| 79
|
006A995C
|
Heard Teddy the Toe Taker was after me but I doubt he'd track me this far.
|
|
| 80
|
006A9E3B
|
What's on your mind?
|
|
| 81
|
006AA5D9
|
You ever get so hungry you try eating an alarm clock? It's better than starving but it sure is time consuming.
|
|
| 82
|
006AA5DA
|
Makes a lot of sense we use caps for our money, doesn't it? America has always been a cap-italist country. Cha-ching!
|
|
| 83
|
006AA5DB
|
Looking back, we really should have known Communism was going to be a problem for us given all the red flags.
|
|
| 84
|
006AA5E0
|
What's the difference between a showman and a mobster? When a mobster says "break a leg" they usually mean someone else's. Oh!
|
|
| 85
|
006AA5E1
|
I had this idea for a jokes-by-mail service right, but it didn't work out. The jokes were hilarious, but the delivery was terrible.
|
|
| 86
|
006AA5E2
|
I borrowed this pair of shoes from my chem dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I've been trippin' all day.
|
|
| 87
|
006AA5E3
|
You ever explore any of the old skyscrapers around here? I don't trust the elevators. In fact, I take steps to avoid them.
|
|
| 88
|
006AA5E4
|
I was never a big fan of mutations but after walking through that radiation zone I've gotta admit - they're growing on me!
|
|
| 89
|
006AA5E6
|
I played this prank on this settler when I covered his door knob with adhesive. A week later and the guy's still furious. He just can't let it go!
|
|
| 90
|
006AA5E7
|
Last night I had to shoot a feral ghoul in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
|
|
| 91
|
006AA5E9
|
What's the worst thing a prison guard can find at a party? An open bar.
|
|
| 92
|
006AA5EA
|
Growing up I never did learn what the word "apocalypse" meant. Oh well, it's not like it's the end of the world.
|
|
| 93
|
006AA5EE
|
You hear the one about the drum set that fell off the roof? Badum-tss! Heh.
|
|
| 94
|
006AA5F0
|
I've taken so many chems I think they're affecting my memory. Not only that, I think they're affecting my memory!
|
|
| 95
|
006AA5F1
|
You hear about the wedding they held at the old radio tower? The ceremony was only so-so but the reception was amazing!
|
|
| 96
|
006AA5F2
|
You hear about that junkie that got addicted to soap? He's clean now. Woah!
|
|
| 97
|
006AA5F6
|
They say if you want to make it in showbiz you gotta be funny! Aw but hey, looks aren't everything.
|
|
| 98
|
006AA5FE
|
Bada-bing, bada-boom!
|
|
| 99
|
006AA605
|
Hello, fellow Appalachian.
|
|
| 100
|
006AA64D
|
Someone close to me died recently. It really makes you think. If the bullet had been another foot to the right... that would've been me!
|
|
| 101
|
006AA95C
|
You know I love ya!
|
|
| 102
|
006AA96D
|
Don't stop me if you've heard this one before.
|
|
| 103
|
006A9409
|
006A9429
|
At your service, boss. What can Joey Bello do for you?
|
|
| 104
|
006A940B
|
006A942B
|
My life's an open book! Mostly a cautionary tale.
|
|
| 105
|
006A942C
|
I didn't see nothin'! Who's asking, huh? Oh, whoops. Old habits die hard I guess. Just like me!
|
A bit jokey - pretending the player is asking him to snitch on someone (which he's actually used to with dealing with the mafia)
|
| 106
|
006A940D
|
006A942E
|
I've made the rounds.
|
|
| 107
|
006A942F
|
You digging up dirt on somebody?
|
|
| 108
|
006AA644
|
Besides you? Yeah, I've met a new face or three.
|
|
| 109
|
006A940F
|
006A943D
|
Oh, check it out.
|
|
| 110
|
006AA96E
|
Alright. Alright.
|
|
| 111
|
006A9411
|
006A9426
|
Not if I see you first, Eh! Ha-ha!
|
|
| 112
|
006A9427
|
Hate to see you got but I love to watch you walk away. Huh?
|
|
| 113
|
006AA6A2
|
Catch you later, boss.
|
|
| 114
|
006AB1FC
|
Break a leg!
|
|
| 115
|
006AB1FD
|
Keep on keepin' on!
|
|
| 116
|
006A9413
|
006A9434
|
Ah, looking for a little a "pick-me-up"?
|
|
| 117
|
006A9435
|
See anything you like?
|
|
| 118
|
006A9436
|
Peruse away.
|
|
| 119
|
006A9437
|
You break it, you buy it.
|
|
| 120
|
006A9438
|
Well allow me to assist you with some uh...assistance.
|
|
| 121
|
006A9439
|
First one's free! Wait, nope. Forget it, you didn't hear that.
|
|
| 122
|
006A943B
|
Don't low-ball me. I know what got here.
|
|
| 123
|
006A943C
|
Make yourself aware of my wares. Heh heh.
|
|
| 124
|
006A9415
|
006A9422
|
Say no more, say no more! Your pal Joey's gonna show you the ropes of showbiz.
|
|
| 125
|
006A9417
|
006A9430
|
Woah-ho, slow down there champ! Don't want you ending up in the burn ward.
|
Said as if he's pretending to be a sports coach watching out for an athlete pushing themselves too hard
|
| 126
|
You gotta recoup your self esteem before I lay into you like that again.
|
|
| 127
|
006A9432
|
Okie-doke, but remember you asked for it!
|
|
| 128
|
006AA967
|
Brace yourself.
|
|
| 129
|
006AA968
|
Hope you got a salve ready cause you're about to get burned.
|
|
| 130
|
006AA969
|
You're a glutton for punishment.
|
|
| 131
|
006AA96A
|
One roast, comin' right up!
|
|
| 132
|
006A941A
|
006A9420
|
Ever wonder how a comedian gets up on stage to suffer the slings and arrows of all them hecklin' asshats without even so much as breakin' a sweat?
|
says "slings and arrows" in a mock Shakespearean actor tone
|
| 133
|
Two words. Comedian. Resilience.
|
Sales pitch.
|
| 134
|
You don't owe those chucklefucks nothin'! Pardon my French. You're a star! Who the hell are they to boo you?
|
Motivation speech
|
| 135
|
See what you gotta do is flip their aggressive energy on them and make it yours.
|
|
| 136
|
Let their insults, or flying tatos, bounce off you like water off a radgull's back. Capeesh?
|
|
| 137
|
006A941C
|
006A9428
|
Quick learner. I like that about you.
|
|
| 138
|
006A941E
|
006A943E
|
It's what you get when you cross a gull with a nuke. I dunno, I'm not a scientist.
|
Brushing this off - player's question is not important
|
| 139
|
006A941F
|
006A9424
|
So here's what happens next. I'm gonna roast you and you're just gonna laugh it off. After that nothing's gonna get under your skin.
|
|
| 140
|
It'll build up your resilience like firewalkers walkin' barefoot on hot coals. Mind over matter. It's like psychiatry or y'know some crap like that but it works!
|
|
| 141
|
You just give me the word when you're ready.
|
|
| 142
|
006A96EB
|
006A9701
|
Walk it off!
|
|
| 143
|
006A9705
|
Too bad they don't make stimpaks for feelings, huh?
|
|
| 144
|
006A96EC
|
006A96FC
|
Whoa! The language on you.
|
Faux shock. He's in on the joke
|
| 145
|
006A96FE
|
Fuggedaboutit!
|
|
| 146
|
006AE3F3
|
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
|
|
| 147
|
006A96ED
|
006A96F2
|
Water off a radgull's back, baby!
|
|
| 148
|
006A96F4
|
Now you're ready to take on the world.
|
|
| 149
|
006A96EE
|
006A96F7
|
Boom. Roasted.
|
|
| 150
|
006A96F8
|
Got 'em!
|
|
| 151
|
006A96F9
|
You want I should call the Responders to come treat that burn?
|
|
| 152
|
006A96FA
|
Badum-tss!
|
|
| 153
|
006AA961
|
Zing!
|
|
| 154
|
006AA962
|
Let me know if you need some ice for that burn.
|
|
| 155
|
006A96EF
|
006A9707
|
You're so dumb when you were a baby your dad gave you an "I'm S.P.E.C.A.L." book. That's "special" without the I for intelligence, dummy.
|
SPECAL pronounced "speckle"
|
| 156
|
006A9708
|
Your aim's so bad when you throw rocks at the ground you miss!
|
|
| 157
|
006A9709
|
You're so ugly you make me wanna quit drinking just in case I ever start seeing two of youse!
|
|
| 158
|
006A970A
|
You're so fat when they need a new nuke code they just get you to hop on a scale. Ha-hoh! Boom!
|
|
| 159
|
006A970B
|
You're so uncivilized the only culture you've got is mold.
|
|
| 160
|
006A970C
|
Your stench is so bad you make me wish I was a ghoul just so I didn't have a nose.
|
|
| 161
|
006A970D
|
If being ugly was a crime you'd be on the most wanted list. And given your looks it'd probably be the first time anybody's ever wanted you.
|
|
| 162
|
006A970E
|
I never forget a face, but in your case I wish I could make an exception. Yours looks like it caught fire and someone put it out with a tire iron.
|
|
| 163
|
006A970F
|
You're so stupid it takes you an entire hour to make Instamash.
|
|
| 164
|
006A9710
|
I heard you was strong but I guess they were talking about your stench! Pee-yoo. Your breath would make onions cry!
|
|
| 165
|
006A9711
|
You're so stupid when you heard it was chilly outside you grabbed a bowl and spoon.
|
|
| 166
|
006A9712
|
Your family tree must have been a cactus 'cause you're a real prick.
|
|
| 167
|
006A9713
|
You must have a real open mind, 'cause I can hear the wind whistling through your ears.
|
|
| 168
|
006A9714
|
Yeesh, you're so ugly you could become ghoulified and no one would even notice.
|
|
| 169
|
006A9715
|
How 'bout, your cranium called. It's got some space to rent. Haha!
|
|
| 170
|
006A9716
|
You're so fat when you go camping the yao guai have to hide their food!
|
Yao guai - Yao rhymes with "Ow!" and Guai rhymes with "eye"
|
| 171
|
006AA641
|
You're so dumb when you play Russian Roulette you cheat and load an extra bullet. Lucky for you your aim's so bad even at that range you miss!
|
|
| 172
|
006AA642
|
You're so ugly you don't need a Stealth Boy to be sneaky 'cause nobody ever wants to look at you.
|
|
| 173
|
006AA643
|
You're so fat when you try to haul ass it takes you two trips!
|
|
| 174
|
006A9938
|
006A9E41
|
Exactly! It turns out if you make 'em laugh then maybe they won't make you bleed. Keep 'em laughing and maybe they'll keep you alive.
|
|
| 175
|
Hell, tell 'em the occasional groaner and they might even toss a few tatos your way. Kid's gotta eat, right?
|
|
| 176
|
006A9939
|
006A9E3C
|
Hey if you've got something they want and they can't take it from your corpse then you're more valuable to them alive than dead.
|
|
| 177
|
Everybody needs a good laugh and I provide 'em with the jokes!
|
|
| 178
|
006A993A
|
006A9E45
|
And that's the story of how Joey Bello became a standup comedian. Course if I'm lucky enough to get a stool I happily become a sitdown one. Get it?
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| 179
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006A993E
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006A9E39
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Don't worry. It's just a nickname.
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| 180
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Teddy's actually short for Theodore. Heh-heh.
|
Joke here is that you'd think "Toe Taker" was the nickname, not that Teddy was the nickname. He really does take toes.
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| 181
|
Speaking of funny nicknames d'you know Dick is short for Richard? No kidding. Now you're probably asking yourself how do you get Dick from Richard.
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| 182
|
You gotta ask him nice! Hey-oh!
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| 183
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006A993F
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006A9E3D
|
Before the big one my family lived in a small town on the outskirts of New Jersey, back when I was just an ankle-biter.
|
A bit casual. It was also a long time ago so he's not too broken up about it.
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| 184
|
After the bombs it was just me and ma left. We stuck it out there for awhile, ya know best we could, then made our way towards Atlantic City.
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| 185
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006A9940
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006A9E34
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She tried her best but ma just wasn't cut out for life in the apocalypse. Her spirit died. Then her body joined it. I was, you know probably eleven?
|
Said casually/joking but he is a bit sensitive about his mom
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| 186
|
Ma was always super supportive though! Even back then when I told her I wanted to be a comedian she'd just laugh so hard.
|
|
| 187
|
It took a few years and a few scars but I eventually made it to Atlantic City. I started small, scored some gigs on the pier, even earned some caps!
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|
| 188
|
It's a hard-knock life, kid, but hey that's showbiz!
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|
| 189
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006A9941
|
006A9E3A
|
Ma said dad was a hero. A firefighter. Lost him and my brothers in the aftermath of the bombs.
|
Proud his dad was a hero even though he barely knew him. Also a bit bitter he died
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| 190
|
I barely remember my old man let alone my brothers. They were all bigger and older than me. Big enough to help out, old enough to get themselves killed.
|
A bit bitter - he believes putting your neck out to help gets you killed and that cost him his family.
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| 191
|
006A9943
|
006A9E44
|
New Jersey? Oof, freakin' horrible. Poisonous chems on the streets, filth everywhere, people killin' each other over a can of beans...
|
Exaggerated. This is a self-dig joke. He actually loves New Jersey
|
| 192
|
And then the bombs dropped. Ah-ha, hey-oh!
|
implying all the bad stuff existed before the bomb
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| 193
|
006A9944
|
006A9E37
|
Nah, I'm just talkin' smack.
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| 194
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006A9945
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006A9E43
|
Whoa, watch your mouth! Huh? Ain't nobody earned the right to talk about New Jersey until you've called it home.
|
Doesn't want the player making fun of New Jersey
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| 195
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006A9946
|
006A9E35
|
Truth is, it's not as bad as some places and helluva lot better than some others. Atlantic City's a real good time if you've got the caps.
|
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| 196
|
I'd tell you to tell 'em Joey sent you if you ever find your way to AC, but it's probably a bad idea if you're a fan of havin' unbroken legs.
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| 197
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006A9E25
|
006A9E2B
|
'Cause my aim ain't shit! Whoops, sorry ma. I couldn't hit water if I fell in a lake. Took me 16 years just to hit puberty.
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"sorry" cause he slipped up and swore
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| 198
|
Sure, I'll throw hands in a barroom brawl but when spit really hits the fan I get the hell outta Dodge.
|
|
| 199
|
I guess you could call me a "running joke"! Ha ha ha ha! Zing!
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|
| 200
|
006A9E26
|
006A9E2A
|
Look, life was hard out there for a kid. Guy like me crosses paths with a raider and all they see is a punching bag.
|
Half serious but also laughing at himself a bit/self aware
|
| 201
|
You know how they say when you got a hammer every problem looks like a nail? Well when you're a comedian all your problems look like punchlines.
|
|
| 202
|
So I crack wise. Tell a joke. Break the ice and then hope they don't break my bones.
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|
| 203
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006A9E27
|
006A9E2D
|
Short story short, I made a joke at a made man's expense and he wanted payback.
|
This and the following lines are half truth, half a joke setup
|
| 204
|
Thankfully I got tipped off by a pal on the inside. "Joey! You really crossed the line this time!" he says.
|
|
| 205
|
"I know, I know! How much is it going to cost me to smooth things over?" I ask. "Two caps", he says.
|
|
| 206
|
I'm thinking, "Two caps? That's nothing! What's the catch?"
|
|
| 207
|
Turns out they wanted my knee caps!
|
|
| 208
|
I've grown real attached to my legs so I hoofed it outta town with just the clothes on my back and the caps in my pocket. Use 'em or lose 'em, right?
|
|
| 209
|
006A9E28
|
006A9E2E
|
'Cause I dropped out of school and did a lot of chems.
|
A joke at comedians' expense
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| 210
|
Nah, I'm just breakin' your balls. I never went to school!
|
|
| 211
|
The truth is it was a survival tactic. I was always a small fry. Ya know, runt of the litter. Easy pickings for gangs and raiders.
|
|
| 212
|
Comedy kept me alive.
|
|
| 213
|
006A9E29
|
006A9E2C
|
What, am I not blending in with the local yokels? What gave it away? My cultural refinement and foreign charm?
|
All said in jest. He's new to Appalachia and aware that New Jersey isn't known for its cultural refinement either
|
| 214
|
Nah, I'm from back East. New Jersey born and raised.
|
|
| 215
|
006A9E50
|
006A9E5C
|
Ya, when I was a kid I was obsessed with one-liners. Every joke I ever heard got committed to memory.
|
|
| 216
|
You used to be able to buy these packs of gum with a joke inside. I spent every cent of my allowance buyin' those packs and I don't even like gum!
|
|
| 217
|
I hate to admit it, but nearly every joke I know has been borrowed or jacked.
|
|
| 218
|
Truth is I'm just another scavenger doin' his best to survive. 'Course I'm standing in the spotlight getting an applause doin' it but eh, same thing.
|
|
| 219
|
006A9E52
|
006A9E58
|
I scavenge from old first-aid kits and bathroom cupboards when I can. That or I dip into the ole "swear jar" for caps and trade for 'em.
|
|
| 220
|
006A9E54
|
006A9E5A
|
Why, you lookin' to buy?
|
|
| 221
|
006A9E55
|
006A9E59
|
Yeah, you do! Go get 'em Tiger!
|
Hyping up the player, a fellow chem abuser
|
| 222
|
They have this stuff back in Atlantic City that makes Psycho look like bubblegum.
|
|
| 223
|
Never tried it myself - ya know, way out of my class, but I hear that shit's on a whole 'nother level.
|
|
| 224
|
They say laughter's the best medicine but let's be real. You ever find me bleeding out just go ahead and jab me with every feel-good chem you got.
|
|
| 225
|
006A9E56
|
006A9E5E
|
Yeah, I know but what doesn't? Way I see it everything we do might kill us. Might as well feel good doing it.
|
Defensive/humored at the naive stance of the player. He's been using chems a long time and has heard this all before
|
| 226
|
I knew this meatball back in Atlantic City. Wouldn't touch chems. Said they were too addictive.
|
|
| 227
|
This chucklehead was always drinking brake fluid instead. Claimed he could stop at any time! Ha ha ha!
|
"stop any time" is a punchline (cause the guy was drinking brake fluid)
|
| 228
|
Look, I know this crap ain't good for me but what's a guy gonna do? Quit? Ma never raised no quitter.
|
Dismissive. Also tosses in a joke about not being a quitter as if the act of quitting is worse than doing chems
|
| 229
|
006A9E57
|
006A9E5B
|
I guess it depends on your definition of "a lot" but yeah I'm something of a chem connoisseur. Started taking Daytripper when I was still a kid.
|
|
| 230
|
They say chems screw with your growth but I was always short for my age even before that.
|
|
| 231
|
In fact, I was so short that when I took Daytripper I didn't even get high. I got medium!
|
|
| 232
|
006A9E64
|
006A9E6A
|
Woah-whoa hey! Fuck you, huh. I don't go to where you work and tell you how to eat a dick!
|
More surprised than pure rage. He is angry but is masking it a bit with a snap comeback/insult
|
| 233
|
Aw, fuck! Heh, you got me. Sorry ma, that's 10 caps for the swear jar. Shit. I mean spit! I mean ah-fu... ah sorry ma.
|
Realizes he lost his cool and is embarrassed/disappointed
|
| 234
|
006A9E65
|
006A9E69
|
What, like smashin' melons with a super sledge? Thanks for the advice but maybe leave the comedy routine to me, rookie?
|
|
| 235
|
006A9E66
|
006A9E6C
|
You forgot handsome! But thanks, boss. Happy to be here.
|
|
| 236
|
006A9E6D
|
Yeah, but looks aren't everything, am I right?
|
|
| 237
|
006A9E67
|
006A9E68
|
Lay it on me!
|
|
| 238
|
006A9F6E
|
006A9F87
|
I once tried doing stand-up for a herd of brahmin but I got mooed off stage. Heh-ha!
|
|
| 239
|
006A9F88
|
Heard they're trying out a new strategy to keep the caravans hidden from raiders. They're calling it cow-moo-flage. Heh-ha-ha!
|
|
| 240
|
006A9F89
|
I asked 'em if they deliver chems but they told me they want to keep drugs away from the brahmin. Guess they're worried the steaks'll get too high. Come on!
|
|
| 241
|
006A9F8A
|
When I'm ready to hit the road I might try hitching a ride with 'em West. I wonder if they could get me to Kentucky? Gotta save up some caps first.
|
|
| 242
|
006A9F6F
|
006A9F74
|
I'm sure they mean well but with a name like "Foundation" you gotta expect people to walk all over you.
|
Kind of shaking his head. He thinks "Foundation" is too nice for their own good
|
| 243
|
006AA5D7
|
Ward claims he's keepin' an eye on the "vital equipment" but it must be hard if he's gazin' through the bottom of a bottle as often as I think he is.
|
Implying he thinks Ward is an alcoholic
|
| 244
|
006A9F70
|
006A9F75
|
Those raiders up in Crater seem pretty decent Yeah, for raiders at least. I've certainly rubbed elbows with worse.
|
|
| 245
|
But if you ever end up drinking with 'em make sure you don't ever order a round of shots. Good way to trigger a massacre. Heh, God I kill me.
|
Implying that ordering shots leads to a shootout
|
| 246
|
006A9F9B
|
Those Blood Eagles? You ever cross paths with them I suggest that you, uh, don't. Those rotters really make me think twice about doing chems.
|
Blood Eagles are bad news. Even Joey doesn't want to have anything to do with them
|
| 247
|
Of course thinking twice takes a lot of brainpower and then I want some Mentats.
|
Joke/self-dig since he's a chem user
|
| 248
|
But I'd rather try to get high sniffin' brahmin farts than deal with the Blood Eagles.
|
|
| 249
|
006AB1FE
|
You hear this gal "Rose" on the radio? She sounds like a firecracker. Maybe I'll try to track her down and see if she wants to go day tripping.
|
|
| 250
|
006AB1FF
|
The raiders out here should really think about getting in on the protection racket.
|
|
| 251
|
That's where you get people to pay you to protect them from what you'll do to them if they ever stop paying you.
|
|
| 252
|
006A9F71
|
006A9F77
|
You know if they're booking gigs? It might be nice to play a classy joint like The Whitespring once in a while, yeah if I stick around.
|
|
| 253
|
Oh, oh! What do you call a radstag on a stage? A deer in stage lights! Ha ha! Wocka-wocka!
|
This is a joke commonly heard at the Whitespring and Joey is parroting/mocking it a bit cause he knows it's super cheesy.
|
| 254
|
006A9F78
|
Seem like good people. Pretty stupid of 'em to put their necks out there but... ya know, sounds like the kinda outfit Dad would've signed up with.
|
He's a bit bitter cause his dad died helping people but he also can't help but be a little impressed at people who help others
|
| 255
|
006A9F72
|
006A9F7B
|
More like the Brotherhood of Stealin', am I right?
|
|
| 256
|
Bet they'd like us to think they're named for the shiny Power Armor they wear but really it's 'cause they're always pinching everybody's stuff.
|
|
| 257
|
006A9F7C
|
How many knights does it take to change a light bulb? Only one to screw it in but an entire squadron to take it from whoever owned it before that. Ha!
|
|
| 258
|
006A9F73
|
006A9F7E
|
You meet these guys, "The Brotherhood of Steel"?
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 259
|
006A9F7F
|
You meet those folks working out of the Whitespring Hotel? The Responders.
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 260
|
006A9F80
|
I've started picking up who's who when it comes to your local flavors of Raider.
|
|
| 261
|
006A9F81
|
There's this settlement calling themselves "Foundation".
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 262
|
006A9F82
|
You do any jobs with the Blue Ridge Caravan Company? The Brahmin drivers?
|
|
| 263
|
006A9F83
|
You ever run into these Mothman Cultist whackadoos?
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 264
|
006A9F84
|
I'm guessing you've seen those "Super Mutants". How could you miss 'em, right?
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 265
|
006A9F85
|
What's the deal with robots?
|
Said like a late night comedian setup
|
| 266
|
006A9F98
|
006A9F9E
|
The other day I bumped into this "Insult-bot". Geez, they weren't kidding when they said the robots were coming for everybody's jobs were they?
|
|
| 267
|
But hey, funny is funny. I might just might have to "borrow" some of his material. Eyy-yoink.
|
|
| 268
|
006A9F9F
|
I visited that Metal Dome place the other day. You know, the arena run by the Rust Eagles?
|
|
| 269
|
I placed bets on the kill-bots thinking there was no way robots programmed to do nothing but kill could possibly lose. But... zero won. Ha! Get it?
|
Says "zero won" in a mock robot voice like "zero one"
|
| 270
|
006A9FA0
|
I was poking around VTU and stumbled across this robot in a tattoo parlor. Bartender and drinking buddy all-in-one. Now that's my kind of robot!
|
|
| 271
|
You know, I once had a one night stand with a robot back in Atlantic City. I wanted to cuddle but it just wanted to screw, nut, and bolt! Hahahaha!
|
|
| 272
|
006A9F99
|
006A9F9C
|
Come on! I'd heard Appalachia has its hillbillies but you're telling me there's really a whole group of rednecks out here worshipping a giant bug?
|
Amused disbelief
|
| 273
|
I mean sure, the Piney's back home have their Jersey Devil but at least you don't find 'em praying to it.
|
|
| 274
|
006AA5D5
|
006A9FA1
|
Why'd the robot cross the road? It was programmed to be a chicken. Baw-cawk!
|
|
| 275
|
006AA5DC
|
What has broken arms, broken legs, and lies at the bottom of a pier? People who tell jokes about the mafia. Ay-ay-ay!
|
"Ay-ay-ay" is feigned worry. Like "I hope the mob didn't hear that".
|
| 276
|
006AA5DD
|
You know what we call a classy person back in New Jersey? A visitor.
|
|
| 277
|
006AA5DE
|
You hear about the wise-guy that got a job workin' as a housekeeper? Yeah, he's a maid man. Oh, I'm cleanin' up here!
|
|
| 278
|
006AA5DF
|
What's a mobster's favorite game? Whack-the-mole. Ha ha!
|
|
| 279
|
006AA5E5
|
Why is breakfast cereal so bad at stand-up comedy? 'Cause Sugar Bombs! Get it? Sugar. Bombs. Yeah, all right, forget it.
|
|
| 280
|
006AA5E8
|
What'd the redneck say to his girlfriend when they broke up? Let's just be cousins. Haha!
|
|
| 281
|
006AA5EB
|
You hear that Santatron has a new comedy act? Yeah, it sleighs. Ho ho ho haha!
|
|
| 282
|
006AA5EC
|
Why'd the snitch feel nervous around calendars? Cause his days were numbered. Bada-boom!
|
|
| 283
|
006AA5ED
|
How does a mobster keep a clean conscience? Easy, they never use it.
|
|
| 284
|
006AA5EF
|
If you've got four drinks in one hand and another 3 in the other what have you got? Alcoholism. Badum-bump!
|
|
| 285
|
006AA5F3
|
A friend of mine stared selling fireworks, grenades, missiles, and TNT. Y'know he says business is booming.
|
|
| 286
|
006AA5F4
|
Why'd the mafia put a hit out on the mime? He had to be silenced.
|
|
| 287
|
006AA5F5
|
A blindfolded man walks into a bar. Then a table. Then a chair. Ha-ha, you see?
|
|
| 288
|
006AA635
|
What do you call a mobster who's gotten too many rads? A gabaghoul!
|
Gabagool = gaba-ghoul. Said with a strong fake Italian accent.
|
| 289
|
006AA636
|
Before I insult anyone I like to first walk a mile in their shoes. Yeah that way I'm a mile away and I got their shoes.
|
|
| 290
|
006AA637
|
What'd the Vault-tec employee say when he saw the nukes dropping? Armageddon outta here!
|
|
| 291
|
006AA64E
|
I heard an old acquaintance of mine died the other day. We weren't that close, which is good, cause he stepped on a land mine.
|
|
| 292
|
006AA64F
|
How many mobsters does it take to throw a snitch off a cliff? None, he slipped and fell all by himself.
|
|
| 293
|
006AA650
|
What do you get when you cross a mob boss and his right hand man? A bullet to the head.
|
|
| 294
|
006AA651
|
You hear about that cool bachelor party they threw for the two-headed buck? It was a real rad radstag stag.
|
|
| 295
|
006AA942
|
You ever get so hungry you try eating an alarm clock? It's better than starving but it sure is time consuming.
|
|
| 296
|
006AA943
|
I had this idea for a jokes-by-mail service but it didn't work out. The jokes were hilarious but the delivery was terrible.
|
|
| 297
|
006AA944
|
I borrowed this pair of shoes from my chem dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I've been trippin' all day.
|
|
| 298
|
006AA945
|
You ever explore any of the old skyscrapers around here? I don't trust the elevators. In fact, I take steps to avoid them.
|
|
| 299
|
006AA946
|
I was never a big fan of mutations but after walking through that radiation zone I've gotta admit - they're growing on me!
|
|
| 300
|
006AA947
|
I played this prank on this settler where I covered his door knob with adhesive. A week later and the guy's still furious. He just can't let it go!
|
|
| 301
|
006AA949
|
Growing up I never did learn what the word "apocalypse" meant. Oh well, it's not like it's the end of the world.
|
|
| 302
|
006AA94B
|
You hear about the wedding they held at the old radio tower? The ceremony was only so-so but the reception was amazing!
|
|
| 303
|
006AA966
|
You hear about that junkie that got addicted to soap? He's clean now.
|
|
| 304
|
006CDE56
|
Makes a lot of sense we use caps for our money, doesn't it? America has always been a cap-italist country. Cha-ching!
|
|
| 305
|
006CDE57
|
What's the worst thing a prison guard can find at a party? An open bar.
|
|
| 306
|
006CDE58
|
You hear the one about the drum set that fell off the roof? Badum-tss! Heh.
|
|
| 307
|
006AA62E
|
006AA634
|
Got it. I'll keep my shoes on.
|
A bit cold. Player might kick him out at any time and he knows it.
|
| 308
|
006AA62F
|
006AA638
|
Thanks, boss. I appreciate it. I know I joke around a lot but I mean it.
|
sincere. The player has been kind to him and he knows it
|
| 309
|
006AA630
|
006AA632
|
Was thinking I'd head West. Save up some caps here telling jokes then see if I can hire the Blue Ridge Caravan Company to take me towards Kentucky.
|
|
| 310
|
I've heard rumors Vegas might still be standing. Maybe I'll head there eventually, or try for Reno. Who knows, might even make it to Hollywood!
|
|
| 311
|
Next time you see Joey Bello it could be in gorgeous PanaLuxe Color! Which I'm guessing is like real life, only better cause it's made in Hollywood.
|
He know's this is an unrealistic dream but is selling it
|
| 312
|
006AA631
|
006AA633
|
Nah, not forever. Appalachia's nice, but I'm not sure if it's a fit, you know? I'll be here a while if you'll have me. Got to save up some caps.
|
|
| 313
|
006AA95D
|
006AA964
|
There's this one, Grahm, eh he seems alright. Tried to sell me meat. I tried to teach him a joke, but he butchered it.
|
|
| 314
|
006AA965
|
Everybody likes to hate on Super Mutants but y'know they're not all bad. It's just that 99% of them that give the rest a bad name.
|
|
| 315
|
006AE3DB
|
006AE3E4
|
Yeah next time maybe just kick me in the balls instead, huh? Still, I guess I could take my own advice and grow a thicker skin.
|
|
| 316
|
006AE3DD
|
006AE3E5
|
Yeah I guess you ruffled this radgull's feathers huh? Maybe I'm gettin' soft, I wasn't expecting you to lay into me like that. Well criticism noted.
|
Trying to act amused but he was rattled by the player being so mean
|
| 317
|
006AE3DF
|
006AA63C
|
Alright, but you didn't hear it from me.
|
|
| 318
|
006AA63E
|
Here's the scoop.
|
|
| 319
|
006AE3E0
|
006AE3E7
|
Good idea. Better to let 'em air out a little bit.
|
|
| 320
|
006AE3E8
|
Oh yeah, don't want to have too much fun, right?
|
|
| 321
|
006AE3E1
|
006AE3EA
|
I got you!
|
|
| 322
|
006AE3EB
|
What, you think I'm made of jokes? Alright try this one on.
|
|
| 323
|
006AE3EC
|
That's it. That's all the jokes I got. Nah! I'm kidding!
|
|
| 324
|
006AE3ED
|
This one slayed 'em back home.
|
|
| 325
|
006AE3E2
|
006AA63A
|
I'll be here all night. And day.
|
|
| 326
|
006AA63B
|
Thanks, you've been a great audience.
|
Said as if ending a show
|
| 327
|
006AA63F
|
Goodnight everybody!
|
Mock sign off as if he just finished a stand up set
|
| 328
|
006B4F75
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That? That's my swear jar. You know! My cuss pot, my curse can, my profanity pitcher. It's where I toss a few caps if I slip up and drop an F-bomb.
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