Nicholas Whitaker’s Post

Thank you for "vulnerably" sharing, and I found some great nuggets of wisdom here. This is a subject I have pondered much and written about as well. I see you as a diplomatic and critical thinker, and I am curious to know your opinion (and trust that you will not be triggered). With that being said, if you do not wish to turn this into an academic topic of sorts, then that is fine and either way wish you the best in your Cat-Dadding :) The question is: do you feel that being "estranged" means that you still harbor negativity toward your father, and in turn energy that could be better channeled elsewhere?

I remember spending WAAAAY too much time in the Hallmark store trying to find a Father's Day card that accurately represented how I felt toward my dad. I refused to buy a card that would lie. And so I'd always end up with a funny card; those were the only ones that were truthful. I've spent much of my own years of fatherhood trying to do the exact opposite of my dad. Most of the time that was the right thing, but sometimes it wasn't. But I have a great relationship with all three of my adult kids, so I must not have done too terrible a job. 🙂 I'll bet you're an *awesome* cat dad!

I absolutely feel this but with my mother. And I’ve gotten that “you’ll miss it when she’s gone” comment and it always left me feeling worse. Therapy has been helping me understand and deal with that toxic relationship. People truly need to understand that not all relationships are the same and not all parents are good. I am also not a parent by choice. I’ve know since I was in high school that I didn’t want kids. That’s always been a fun conversation to have with people. 🙄. But I’m happy being a cat mom & spoiling my nieces & nephews. Thank you for sharing. It’s both sad and comforting to know that others have experienced this.

I can completely relate to this on Mother's day. Your post is a reminder that not everyone has the same experiences with a parent and to help others realize that giving advice isn't what people need or want in these moments because that advice is often based on judgment and that's not helpful to anyone. I wish you Happy Father of Cats Day! 😻 I know you spoil them, adore them and love them. They are lucky to have you as their cat dad!

Nicholas Whitaker, my dad died over 11 years ago and Father’s Day is still difficult for me every year. Our emotions that are tied to specific holidays or birthdays or anniversaries can be very challenging to experience and manage. Regarding unsolicited advice: Whenever someone says a “should sentence” to me, I immediately push back in some manner. If the person uses the word “should,” I almost always ask, “Why SHOULD I?” This simple question to those people works extremely well for me. It not only gets the person to stop and think about what he/she just said, but also is a teaching moment, potentially. One can only hope… And “Cat Dad”? Awesome! I’ve been a cat mom for about 13 years now.

What an amazing post for multiple reasons. I think the only person who understands your relationship (or lack of relationship) with your father is you. The rest of us should be here to support your decisions, not judge them.

Thanks for sharing all of this because it's really important! I'm lucky that my dad taught me family isn't everything at a young age. Unfortunately the beautiful lesson he gave me came at a high cost for him dealing with all of this trauma and everything that took him to that point. And it allowed him to see how toxic others were that he didn't want me to be around either. I care way more about "chosen family" and have for a long time. No one should ever care if the real family comes and goes. If they enhance your life then that's great. But otherwise don't think about them for a second if you can help it because you don't need them.

Damn brave share man - well done.

The mentorship offered by being an elder of authority to others is parental in many ways, nurturing - I think the energy of protection and helping are extended way past the "father" label and you embody and practice those for sure, Nicholas. I value the leadership you offer and I think you are and will be a pivotal figure of authority and care to many many MANY and we need to more collectively value the contributions of those elements too. Thank you for the generous way that you give.

So very well said Nicholas Whitaker. Much of what you say applies to all holidays. Not everyone loves Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day etc. And for some, those seasons are very painful. It's about being aware and compassionate for ALL of our collective experiences. And also recognizing that the greeting card companies made up some of these holiday's and our socialized behaviors make them lots of money. 🙄