Romance scams: Spot the signs

While the internet and online dating apps have made it easier to connect with potential partners, they also make it easier for scammers to profit from people looking for love. Romance scams and the emotional and financial impact they have is an ever-growing problem. In 2022 alone, a reported $1.3billion was lost to romance scams in the US with almost 70,000 people reporting they’ve been a victim. 

And while it might seem like we have a handle on the potential dating dangers out there, newer, more sophisticated methods are always emerging, making it even more difficult to spot the scammers.

Romance scammers trick people into thinking they’re in a legitimate relationship in order to steal their money or personal information. They can be extremely convincing, forming online connections and taking the time to build trust with their victim through frequent contact, loving messages and shared interests. Once they’ve formed a bond, they’ll ask their victim to give them something they want - like transferring money or sharing personal information (for example bank details or social security numbers). 

Common romance scam scenarios include:

• Claiming to work overseas (meaning meeting in person isn’t possible)

• Being in immediate danger and in need of money to get out of a situation

• Falling ill and needing money for medical expenses

• Asking for assistance to collect a delivery (which needs to be paid for)

Just like many other kinds of scams, like phone scams and charity scams, romance scams play on people’s emotions, encouraging them to act on their feelings without thinking about the potential red flags. Romance scammers often put in the time to build trust with their victims so they care deeply for them and believe they know them well enough not to question their intentions.

Scammers don’t make it easy to spot signs of fraud, they put in the time to appear authentic and avoid raising suspicion. But there are some behaviors that could be a sign that you’re dealing with a scammer. If you’re worried that you’ve fallen victim to a romance scam, or you just want to know what to look out for, keep these in mind:

You’ve just started talking and they want to know every little thing about you, from your first pet to your favorite teacher's name. Acting so eager to learn about you might come across as attentive but it could also be a way to gather personal information about you.  

They want to know all about you but they’re reluctant to give you much information. Acting secretive, avoiding questions and giving vague answers could be a sign of something dubious. 

You can communicate through the channel you connected (like a dating website or app) but they want to start communicating by phone, email or social media right away. This is potentially a way to avoid the dating platform identifying their behavior. 

You only just recently started talking and they’ve already declared their love for you, proposed marriage or done something else to push your relationship to the next level. Increasing the intensity of the relationship could be a way to manipulate you into falling in love and letting your guard down.

Whether they avoid the topic, make excuses or make plans and cancel, refusing to see you in person could be a red flag. The same goes for video chatting. Refusing to show their face could suggest that they’re not being honest with you. If meeting IRL does become a possibility, always prioritize your own safety when meeting someone you connected with online. 

If they ask you for money, even if their story is believable, you should always stop and consider whether it could be a scam. Scammers are skilled in creating authentic stories with a sense of urgency to encourage you to act quickly before thinking of the consequences. Some scams involve claiming to be in danger or seriously ill or asking you to wire transfer or send gift cards. Whatever the situation, it’s always best to stop and ask yourself if it could be a scam. 

Stick to communicating through the channel you connected on until you feel confident that the person is legit. Any pressure to move to more personal forms of communication more quickly than you’re comfortable with could be a warning sign. 

Avoid sharing personal information on social media to make it difficult for scammers to find details they could use to their advantage. 

An intense, fast-moving online relationship might feel great but it’s vital that you really get to know the other person before you share anything personal with them. 

Search for your new partner on social media, Google them, do a reverse image search of their photos. If you uncover anything suspicious (like their photos on someone else’s profile) you shouldn’t ignore it.  

Sharing the story of your new relationship can help identify any issues. A trusted friend or family member who isn’t connected to the relationship might be able to make you aware of things you haven’t noticed and support you in whatever you do next. 

Maybe they said something strange or a story they told didn’t make sense. Whatever it is, trust your instincts before moving ahead.

If the warning signs tell you that the person you’re talking to is being deceitful, protect yourself and walk away. 

If you’ve been duped by a romance scammer the first step is not to feel embarrassed, scammers are experts in gaining your trust. If you’ve sent them money, contact your bank right away and follow their advice. In the US report the scam to the FTC and Action Fraud in the UK, and report their profile to the dating platform so they can investigate.

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