I AWOKE IN A CAVE. I knew not how I got there, nor any memory before that waking moment. I found myself tucked in a tight, dark corner of a rocky cave. The only light source I saw available was coming from a nearby lava flow…. It was odd, seeing lava for the first time. As I rummaged around in this underground body, it became apparent that this was more than just a small gap in the earth’s crust. Wondering if I could find any clues as to why I had appeared here, I ventured through the dark corridors, making sure I didn’t stray too far from the sizzling lava. That’s when I heard it…. A deep gurgling noise. It was quiet at first, and it only sounded once. I thought maybe it was a rock that had fallen, but once again, more clearly, it sounded sickeningly through the caves. It made no definite words, there was no sense to this garble. It came from the thicket of mystery beyond the light’s reach, which I drew back from in fear. I watched in horror as the owner of the horrid noise stepped past the blanket of darkness and into the dimly lit space. It stood roughly at my own height, and immediately started walking towards me, arms out as if to grab me as soon as I was within reach. Its flesh was pale green and it wore tattered clothing. The worst part was the face, which was contorted with utmost horror. An eye was missing, flesh was hanging from the side of its face, and its jaw sagged down to its chest.
The beast followed me back and back. I saw no way of escape, and it was soon upon me. As a last resort I swung out and knocked the monster back, who went sprawling into the pool of lava. It was engulfed in flame and soon there was nothing left but the memory in my head and the scratches on my body. Fear replaced curiosity as I realized that there might be more throughout the unknown area. “If theres and underground, there must be an above ground too” I thought to myself. I immediately started scanning for any paths up. After hours of careful searching and hiding, I found a steep cliff leading up. I saw the gleam of the day, and almost fell off the side of the cliff with excitement. Once I reached the top, however, I noticed that the sun was heading to bed, leaving little time to enjoy myself. The time spent in the cave had made me paranoid; I didn’t know if there would be creatures lurking on the surface as well. I knew I would not survive without materials, and so I set about on a mad dash to gather up what I could. With a large, pointed stick I was able to kill a pig, which I tossed down into the cliff.
I gathered up several strong branches and fastened some very crude tools. With the help of these I cut up some old logs, which I knew would come in handy for fires and other tools. I saw a few chickens, but I only managed to grab hold of a few feathers. Alas, at least it was something. I also managed to kill a cow, who, oddly enough, seemed to be sick. I knew not what he was sick from, so I decided it best not to eat him. Still, his hide would server for decent clothing, so down the hole he went. Just as the moon rose, I was climbing down the cliff again to get back to my precious lava source. I had grown fond of that space, despite there being other lava spots in the cave. When I returned, tired and hungry, I set about cooking food and getting ready to rest. I used up the rest of my energy to make crude barriers with some nearby gravel and dirt, and then I collapsed in exhaustion with my little feather of hope clutched in my blistered hands.
All went well for the next few days, or what I figured were days, since I couldn’t count hours in my sleep. I used my tools to extract ores from the caves. I made use of the coal by making torches, which helped me a great deal. The iron I smelted in a makeshift furnace, and made marvelous iron tools. My blockades of dirt advanced to stone, and I smoothed out my little nook. In the back of my mine I knew I needed to get out. But it was nice here, and I was safe. I guess that little voice got the better of me when I found myself expanding my cave back to the surface cliff. It took me much longer, but I found it. I reached upwards and found myself smiling. I was really going to leave! Maybe not that day, but I had found it again and this time, it was a safe passage. As if my luck couldn’t be any better, it was only noon, and I spent the rest of the day getting wood, the most valuable resource when underground. I ventured further out, looking for more trees to fell. I lost track of the time of day, and before I knew it night was descending upon the surface. I rushed back to the hole but I had wandered a good distance. I found myself in a fit of panic, running back to safety.
That’s when I heard it again. That growling. It was all around me, closing in. The stench follows suit. I saw the hole. I made a mad dash towards it, only to see there were 3 of those foul creatures standing at the base. I watched one jump down, while the other two turned to face me. I hardly knew what was happening when I reached for my sword. Without thinking I struck out at one, who collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh. The other caught hold of my pack and, being on the edge of the cliff, managed to open it and have its contents spew out into the hole. I turned around and my blade struck true. I stood there for a moment, still hearing that nasty gurgling sound all around me. The two felled monsters looked up at me. For a moment, I saw not horrid looks but sad, longing expressions. As if they had something to tell me, an untold story of way back when or something of the sort. But I had no time for a tale I couldn’t understand, and I descended down the cliff, getting my spilled belongings along the way. Even after reaching the safety of my shelter, I couldn’t get the look of those horrid beasts out of my mind. Not even my feather, the last hope of reaching the surface, could cheer me up.
I don’t have much longer. The food is gone, after resorting to making soup out of the wild cave mushrooms and the flowing water nearby. The wood and coal have run out, and my tools are looking worse for the wear. And the gurgles…. They’ve turned to whispers sounding off of the damp walls of the cave. I can’t take much more of this. As the torches grow dimmer the whispers get louder, more demanding. Maybe it’s just a trick of the light, but I can see my skin growing more of a sickly green in the absence of a decent light source. Even my feather is looking glum.
The whispers… I understand what they’re saying now…. It’s unbelievable, all along that’s what it was! Oh thank god. They’re saying… they’re… sayingghhh….. ggghhhhh……
I liked it! A very fine explanation of where our friends the zombies came from. Shame you haven't received more comments. The only thing I would suggest is cleaning up the last few paragraphs; this story could actually be a fair bit more frightening if they were expanded. Good job, and a Notch for you!
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Ask me about giant, Canadian, zombie-steampunk tyrannosaurus rexes.
I own one, and her name is Cuddlemuffins.
I thought it was a great story. A bit of a wall of text, but that's just a formatting issue. The content and pacing of the story were very well done. Kudos! :smile.gif:
Hey thanks for writ this story I like it. this story is awesome. I am sour in future you are joining a job of story writer and your firs story is Hollywood best story lol. your writing style is good it's so interesting.
I loved it, it was well written, well paced, well... everything!
The only part I thought could use some work was the begining. It seems that alomst ALL books or storys about MC these days start off with waking up somewhere without knowing how you got there.
Other than that I rate it
The beast followed me back and back. I saw no way of escape, and it was soon upon me. As a last resort I swung out and knocked the monster back, who went sprawling into the pool of lava. It was engulfed in flame and soon there was nothing left but the memory in my head and the scratches on my body. Fear replaced curiosity as I realized that there might be more throughout the unknown area. “If theres and underground, there must be an above ground too” I thought to myself. I immediately started scanning for any paths up. After hours of careful searching and hiding, I found a steep cliff leading up. I saw the gleam of the day, and almost fell off the side of the cliff with excitement. Once I reached the top, however, I noticed that the sun was heading to bed, leaving little time to enjoy myself. The time spent in the cave had made me paranoid; I didn’t know if there would be creatures lurking on the surface as well. I knew I would not survive without materials, and so I set about on a mad dash to gather up what I could. With a large, pointed stick I was able to kill a pig, which I tossed down into the cliff.
I gathered up several strong branches and fastened some very crude tools. With the help of these I cut up some old logs, which I knew would come in handy for fires and other tools. I saw a few chickens, but I only managed to grab hold of a few feathers. Alas, at least it was something. I also managed to kill a cow, who, oddly enough, seemed to be sick. I knew not what he was sick from, so I decided it best not to eat him. Still, his hide would server for decent clothing, so down the hole he went. Just as the moon rose, I was climbing down the cliff again to get back to my precious lava source. I had grown fond of that space, despite there being other lava spots in the cave. When I returned, tired and hungry, I set about cooking food and getting ready to rest. I used up the rest of my energy to make crude barriers with some nearby gravel and dirt, and then I collapsed in exhaustion with my little feather of hope clutched in my blistered hands.
All went well for the next few days, or what I figured were days, since I couldn’t count hours in my sleep. I used my tools to extract ores from the caves. I made use of the coal by making torches, which helped me a great deal. The iron I smelted in a makeshift furnace, and made marvelous iron tools. My blockades of dirt advanced to stone, and I smoothed out my little nook. In the back of my mine I knew I needed to get out. But it was nice here, and I was safe. I guess that little voice got the better of me when I found myself expanding my cave back to the surface cliff. It took me much longer, but I found it. I reached upwards and found myself smiling. I was really going to leave! Maybe not that day, but I had found it again and this time, it was a safe passage. As if my luck couldn’t be any better, it was only noon, and I spent the rest of the day getting wood, the most valuable resource when underground. I ventured further out, looking for more trees to fell. I lost track of the time of day, and before I knew it night was descending upon the surface. I rushed back to the hole but I had wandered a good distance. I found myself in a fit of panic, running back to safety.
That’s when I heard it again. That growling. It was all around me, closing in. The stench follows suit. I saw the hole. I made a mad dash towards it, only to see there were 3 of those foul creatures standing at the base. I watched one jump down, while the other two turned to face me. I hardly knew what was happening when I reached for my sword. Without thinking I struck out at one, who collapsed in a heap of rotting flesh. The other caught hold of my pack and, being on the edge of the cliff, managed to open it and have its contents spew out into the hole. I turned around and my blade struck true. I stood there for a moment, still hearing that nasty gurgling sound all around me. The two felled monsters looked up at me. For a moment, I saw not horrid looks but sad, longing expressions. As if they had something to tell me, an untold story of way back when or something of the sort. But I had no time for a tale I couldn’t understand, and I descended down the cliff, getting my spilled belongings along the way. Even after reaching the safety of my shelter, I couldn’t get the look of those horrid beasts out of my mind. Not even my feather, the last hope of reaching the surface, could cheer me up.
I don’t have much longer. The food is gone, after resorting to making soup out of the wild cave mushrooms and the flowing water nearby. The wood and coal have run out, and my tools are looking worse for the wear. And the gurgles…. They’ve turned to whispers sounding off of the damp walls of the cave. I can’t take much more of this. As the torches grow dimmer the whispers get louder, more demanding. Maybe it’s just a trick of the light, but I can see my skin growing more of a sickly green in the absence of a decent light source. Even my feather is looking glum.
The whispers… I understand what they’re saying now…. It’s unbelievable, all along that’s what it was! Oh thank god. They’re saying… they’re… sayingghhh….. ggghhhhh……
END
I own one, and her name is Cuddlemuffins.
It's long because it's a story.
Move aside, Diary of a Creeper, here comes The Cave story to try and push you off your podium!
What's up? I'm the proud co-owner of a little ClassiCube server called Minebuild.
Click here to go to the thread for it!
Sometimes, you just need a little more cave.
The only part I thought could use some work was the begining. It seems that alomst ALL books or storys about MC these days start off with waking up somewhere without knowing how you got there.
Other than that I rate it
91/2 out of 10
A few typos here and there, but overall, your use of descriptive language is fantastic.
As mentioned above, try to space out your paragraphs a bit. It's harder to read a wall of text than it is to read sentences that are spaced out.
There's a lot of potential here, I hope to read more of your stories!
Now i can't play minecraft without seeing sad, horrible expressions on every zombie I slay...
WHAT WERE THEY SAYING!?